Poems 2 and 3/30 NaPoWriMo

NaPoWriMo#2 Lunch Time (remixed)

Lunch Time (remixed)

I sit three tables across from her,

glance at her face nonchalantly
and bite into a bland tuna melt.

Lunch time.

Same routine, different day.


My co-workers and I file monotonously to the cafeteria.
pretending that we honestly enjoy eating lunch together;

pretending that it is a team builder
through which we can all learn “fun” personal facts about each other.

Pretending that I am not the only black girl in our group.



I pretend that I actually want tuna melts instead of southern fried chicken.

I deny that what I really want is a little freedom from my daily lunch companions.


I stare at the dark sista across from me.

Her eyes meet mine hesitantly.

We send silent smoke signals to each other, mentally writing fogged breath messages on glasses of Diet Coke.

They read: “Save me from Corporate Ameri-KKK.”

I force a smile in her direction.

We both understand that the phone bill, gas bill, and rent payments are the true masters
rendering our pleas for help are useless.


I look away from the sista angrily, as if she somehow caused my unease,

Stare almost lovingly into the ocean colored eyes of my supervisor.

There is no way off of this plantation.


The sista/stranger and I breathe out a synchronized sigh and stare attentively at our respective lunch buddies

wishing for a wealthy, Southern-fried chicken freedom from the daily grind.

©2009 Draft 3 La Shaun phoenix Moore




NaPoWriMo #3 Haiku Suite: Untitled

There are not enough syllables
to sum up the way you make me feel.

17 short breathes
are stolen every time your mouth
starts kissing mine.

17 heartbeats
skip rock across my rivers
at your heated touch.

17 bad memories
are healed instantly
in your balm of love.

These haiku are not at all expansive enough
to summarize you.

Keep shining love in me, Baby.
Burn the pain.
Make me sunlight in bloom.

© 2009 La Shaun phoenix Moore

NaPoWriMo #1 Haiku

30 Poems in 30 Days for National Poetry/Writing Month (April)

A day late, but perhaps I'll get the second haiku out in time.


Interracial - for Anthony.

My skin
against
your skin
against
their thoughts
against
all odds

making love.

©2009 La Shaun phoenix Moore

I'm Evolving. Moving Out The Dark.

The new year is off to a great start. Already I have found myself in these new moments of self-discovery, honesty, knowledge of self. I not only like the woman I'm becoming, I love her a lot.

What I've found is that when you walk in the calling that you were purposed for, you begin to manifest truth in every area of your life.

In that manifestation, I've been freaking out a little bit at how heavy my shoulders have been under the weight of excess baggage that I've allowed to be there. 2008 was absolutely magnificent - but, I imagine I was still just "functional" in some areas. 2009 is going to take the functional off my life and turn it into "renewed", "revitalized", "human", "woman", "real".



One of the things that I have been struggling the most with is my sense of self worth. It was one of those nasty, not so flattering discoveries too.

Self-esteem? Got that on lock.

I believe that I am a beautiful woman with a whole lot to offer this planet- but sometimes, something in me thinks that I not only DON'T deserve good things but that I absolutely SHOULDN'T expect them to happen. So when the good things actually do happen, I am overly grateful, overly excited, overly happy because I think I'm so "lucky" that something good happened. Wonderful things happen all the time (no matter what state of mind I'm in). I wish I could see myself the way the Creator made me. Just one glimpse of why...well why he keeps on blessing me. I don't get it. I'm not a horrible person...but there are some things...broken inside of me. Pieces of me that I gave away maybe when I was abused. Maybe some things that broke in March when James walked into my life and tore me all the way down to nothing. All of these shreds...always rebirthing...always rebuilding...always resilient. Maybe my sense of self worth got buried under there somewhere.

I actually walk around with the thought that most of these cats out here are better than me - on so many different levels. Real talk.

In that, my insecurities surface irrationally and unexpectedly. I can be so confident in one moment and then in the next, I completely doubt myself. I often feel as if I've disrespected the strength of the Creator in my life and his ability to really work things out for me (as he always has), and so many other things.

I had a long heart to heart with my sister Scheherazade last night regarding the above thoughts and she helped me to work through the bulk of them by just forcing me to examine myself and the incredulity of believing that I was some unworthy house nigga - forced into submitting to a mentality that said I was nothing. That I was subhuman.

I accept (eagerly) the responsibility for how I've invited this behavior into my life.

Yes, being in the quiet to see the truth was healing. It was important to my process. It called me into action. I am moving on and it's okay. It is the right thing to do. It is healthy.

There are some things and people and behaviors that (for the good of them and me) I need to/must/will without question eliminate from my mental air space.

I call out now to the ancestors and our Creator with an invitation to shine their light into my life.

Help me to remember that I am the sum total of the decisions that I make. Help me to make good choices. Help me to be honest when those choices aren't good. Help me to be responsible in either case. Help me not to point fingers, but to see myself in any given situation and exhaust my power with changing what I can change.

Give me the strength today, to move...on.


I'm evolving
Moving out the dark
Brave and Securely
I release my heart

Fearless
I am
Weathering the storms
Spread these giftings
Finally I soar

Embracing the beauty of me
I'm loving every part of me...

I've got no more time for self doubting
Too much destiny in my plans
Accomplishing these goals I've been given
Greatness is already at hand.

Loving how I grow as a woman
Trusting who I'm purposed to be
Spiritually creative expression
All encompass me
An affirmation to me...

Honest, Peaceful
Strong and Powerful
Good words reflecting
Why my spirit glows

There is nothing
That's withheld from me
I conceive it, believe it
Accept victory

Embracing the beauty of me
I'm loving every part of me...

Speaking life to my situations
And taking care of body and soul
Mind is running in perfect order
Nothing's going out of control

Resourceful and persistent I'm racing
Supported by my loved ones and friends
Confident that I'm gonna make it
I'll endure till the end...

Embracing the beauty of me
I'm loving every part of me...

I'm evolving
I'm evolving...
I'm evolving...

Moving out the dark


Namaste,
~phoenix

phoenix's Year-End Recap

As this year folds, I embrace all of the wonderful and challenging things that happened this year. Overall, it's been probably one of my best years. Here are my highlights:

• Excitement for James B. returning to Detroit.
• Breaking up with James.
• Playing at the beach with Khalil & Breauna
• So many happy hours with Ty at our favorite joint.
• Laughing at Aricka and Ty dancing at Northern Lights - freaks (we must go dancing soon)
• Annual Camping Trip - Twon was actually not a douche bag this year!
• Backyard parties at Cassie's
• Indoor parties at Chrissy's
• Movie nights
• Dinner at Ty's
• Beans & Bytes has no room for poets to sit
• Beans & Bytes closes
• Cassie, Chrissy, phoenix form one of the strongest friendships ever
• Mafia, Mafia, Mafia (Mary, you dead).
• Detroit X-Mas' sambo antics
• Buddy's bubbly personality
• Funny Bunny gets engaged
• Carmelita gets engaged
• Kesha gets engaged
• Leah and Will get engaged
• Dana gets engaged
• Will and Que - engaged
• Rashida O. got married
• Rashida Williams got pregnant
• Eric and Colleen got pregnant
• Mike Williams joins my circle of close friends
• Ty is my exhale
• Denise shows me strength and brilliance
• Lizzie and Sunday brunches
• My nephew Jacob makes his grand appearance
• I quit my job at the ad agency and took my dream job at U of M
• Space Between the Rain is almost finished (my vocal project)
• Melanie Rutherford and the Soul Notes smash Campus Martius
• L'Renee, Kesha & phoenix take the Detroit music scene with force
• Urban Soul
• John's bittersweet kiss
• Jerry's hugs
• Matthew's consideration
• Eddie's love
• Women of the World Poetry Slam, 2009
• 14th Annual Exhibition of Art by Michigan Prisoners
• Laughing hard
• Crying hard
• New car
• San Francisco
• Dent in new car
• Critical Resistance
• Chace as "Chace Money"
• Mike Will as "Mike Millions"
• Sari
• Inohs Sivad
• Tracie Currie's project
• Tracie's listening session with Omari - WOW.
• Omari and his stupid a$$ text messages in the middle of meetings
• Damon Warmack on bass/on movies/on great cheap wine/at shows/on nappy hair. Yeah, Damon.
• Bubby and "ol' taking-advantage-ass-niggas" or Bubby and tattoos that say, "Freak Biatch"
• Walt on keys - ridiculous (My band is sick!)
• Liteshineth (Bro. Ajib Rashadeen) EVERYDAY!
• Marvin's various nicknames, (Barefoot Billy, Chocolate face, The babies, Pepper Ann)
• Ben Jones drunk on his birthday eating flowers
• Blake Eerie as Velvet Krush
• Candy and Billy get engaged
• Wolanda's amazing reading and meeting Connell
• Wo and Ken move in
• Saadiq finds love
• HardCore moves to Texas
• DJ InCreDuble and his dope spins
• Picnap Poety ends at Max Fisher
• Echoverse ends at Java Exchange
• Echoverse takes over 1515 Broadway
• ByteThis Poetry Series takes over Cliff Bells
• Eitan's bonfires
• Eitan moves
• David Blair - "Sha-clack-clack, Boo!"
• Diedre and me at the Will Downing, Lalah Hathaway, Gerald Albright concert laughing
• John Legend concert
• Jill Scott concert
• The Roots concert/experience/worship service/sickest sh*t I've ever experienced in my life!
• Performing at the Ribs n Soul Food Festival with L'Renee
• Moving to Ann Arbor
• Vocal Rehearsals with Frankie
• Dally with Gordie
• Gordie's Obama parties
• Becks returns home and I missed her!!!
• Laura's wedding
• Dinner at Funny Bunny's and Buddy's
• Wine and conversation with Lottie
• Walle
• Reconnecting with Stephane (Stefon)
• Performing with Ty and Lazy Genius and Kesha - CRAZY/INSANE Show!
• "Bring the Boys Back" - (please don't)
• Reconnecting with my best friend - MYSELF
• Movie night at my place and the aftermath
• Sleepovers w/ACE
• The dew of love awaiting me in the New Year
• Randy home for Christmas!
• Lizzie's upcoming party
• Cenda's tonight
• New Year's Eve with Chrissy
• Bev & Matt
• POPs
• Reconnecting with my incarcerated cousin, Greg Scott
• Activism

• La Shaun phoenix Moore - Singer/Songwriter/Poet/Host/Woman

Consider your year, you're still here!!! I've probably left out a billion more things! Blessed New Year, may the new year be better than any year that preceded it.

Holy Creator, Neteru, Guardians, Ancestors - thank you for the greatness you've imbued me with. May my life honor you in each and every new day you honor me to witness.

~Jean Grae

If I Were To Write For You - A draft.

If I were to write for you,

I'd wield stories of the warmth in your tone,

how it envelopes me like sun-soaked towels

after a cool swim.



I'd erect stories like skyscrapers

for the height of of your vision.

I'd secretly hide in your shadow and whisper prayers

for your dreams to come into fruition.



If i were to write for you,

I'd become encyclopedias

that spoke only of the legacies that you left behind/create daily/will achieve in the future.



I'd be an ocean of positive vernacular,

a gold burst of good energy to bathe you in,

I'd give you words of affirmation to dry you off,

hot oils to neutralize your thoughts,

Baby, I'd be the burning elixir of fine liqueur to take the edge off.



I mean, if I were to write for you,

I'd own stock in fountain pens -

the ink wells wouldn't run dry,

For you, I'd erect kingdoms through our bloodlines.



I'd write sonnets

that would make Shakespeare

shy away from his pen.



I'd kiss you holy,

give you no understanding of sin.



Straight purify you with hand to pen,

again and again and again.



If I were to write for you,

I wouldn't know where to begin.



You inspire me.

So, Inspire me.

So Inspired



Baby, I wouldn't know where to begin - but I'd write.

What Humans Can Teach Us.

Magneto, while a great villain, is prompted by (what researches have found) being a survivor of the Holocaust.  What he witnessed in men - the anger, the bigotry, the hatred - was something that he never wanted mutants to experience.  His fear eventually turned him as mutant into the hating human he never wanted to become and thus he became a super-villain.

My walk with Professor Xavier has allotted me various experiences.  The most important of them is what we can learn from humans.  While there are no perfect humans (or mutants) there are indeed those that strive for ultimate goodness, who work hard to make the right choices, who work hard to live out the inherent divinity that connects us all.  And we are all connected.  Mutant and human.  Friend and Foe.  We are all connected.

It was only until I considered blogging my experiences that I paid attention to how important it is to get past the petty differences that separate our species.  I am still mutant - and humans irritate me to no end.  They fuck aimlessly, bicker without cause, pledge allegiance to things that they know very little about, hurt without regard, blaspheme themselves and the Omnipresent One and do it all in the name of youth or self-interest or "keeping it real".   These humans sicken me.

Even in knowing that, I have surrounded myself with a small number of humans.  They inspire me.  So much in fact, that I have removed myself from using them for various research and have allowed myself to just be myself in their company.  I have drank their beer and have danced to their music.  I have laughed at their jokes and mourned with them in their sadness.  I have celebrated their achievements and have been surprised that they celebrate me as well.  I have been a source of wisdom and jovial good humor to them.  I have been a source of irritation to them all my own.  But, what is most fascinating to me about them, is that in spite of my flaws - they still call me Friend.  They reciprocate my love for them sometimes with more tenacity and passion than I know to give them.  It quickens humility in me.

Mutants have not learned to trust that easily.  Not amongst each other.  We are constantly worried about what others will think when we peel back the layers and show them who we really are.  We fear being true to ourselves so we position ourselves into a source of reverence or terror.  It's exhausting work.  Spending so much time projecting such an image when we want to just let down our guards and be ourselves.  Exhausting.   To walk through this world feeling like no one will ever "get" us.  I am tired of being tired.  Though mutant and something  more extraordinary than I could have ever asked for as phoenix - I can only be me.  I can only believe that who I am will be more than enough for those that I call friend.  I can only warn that it would be devastating to those that would desire to enter into my circle under false pretenses - it will mean sudden death under my Phoenix Force.

Humans.  

Uniquely divine creatures.  While they do not possess the "X" gene, they do possess a knowledge and understanding that can be beneficial to all mutants.

They seem to live by the code: Be yourself.  Do you.  Without shame.

Wise words.  I extend them to you, Fellow Mutants.  I receive them for myself.

On Mutants & Men.

My primary powers are Telepathy (the transference of thoughts or feelings between two or more subjects through extra-sensory perception (ESP)); Telekinesis (moving objects with my mind); Pyro-kinesis (create or control fire with my mind); and Phoenix Force (the embodiment of the very passion of creation, the spark that gave life to the universe, the flame that will ultimately consume it).

I am a powerful mutant.

These humans are probably hands down some of the most delightful creatures ever made.

What simplicity they find in hopping from one whim to the next, one person to the next, one goal to the next. My mutant powers, while advanced, pale in comparison. Often I find myself filled with envy of how these simpletons move through this universal plane so easily – without much regard to anything but satisfying whatever hunger is plaguing them at the moment.

Humor me.

What lasting love story has ever been written about a phoenix? Where do the other phoenixes reside? Who, pray tell, has the wherewithal to allow these fiery creatures to roam the earth freely to heal and live out their various purposes with a trust that knows they’ll return home? When are they “exactly enough” and not too much? Who can join our regenerative souls in eternal love? Who? Who?

Where are you noble king?

While not desperate, I am eager to be captured by you.

I have seen glimpses of you in mutants and men. I have whispered prayers to the Omnipresent One begging for you to reveal yourself. I am preserving my heart, my emotions, my sex for your eternal kiss. Cyclops and Wolverine are gods of old who may tug at my heart for ages. Yet, I have experienced rebirth. I am a flaming goddess of newness. I will not falter in accepting my divinity. There is room in my heart for you to take up residency.

I still believe in love. Though they want to break me. I am resilient.

I still believe in love of self first.

I still believe in love.

I still believe in you.

I am in ascension.

Come Dark Knight.

Come.