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Sterling Heights, MI, United States
"I give a damn what any fan thinks of my legacy. I'm tryna live life in the sight of God's memory, like that y'all." ~Mos Def

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Dear 2009 - ode to the year.

Dear 2009:

What a whirlwind of a year you've been for me. I'd successfully closed the door on my hurts with James Keath and locked my heart away in the hopes that one day it would be taken seriously. I started a new poetry venue. I re-entered the studio to what is now becoming one of the most amazing projects ever. I absolutely smashed WOWps 2009 and brought the event into the black. The 14th Annual Exhibition of Art by Michigan Prisoners was a complete success and I'd even tucked away my feelings of those that had offended me on my job. You brought Robert Anthony Kotaran to my life and I'm finally in the relationship with a man that I'd only witnessed on made-for-tv romances (and he's a white dude, who would've called that one). I moved out of the hell that was Ann Arbor - with its racism and issues and cute stores and mis-informed people. I moved to Sterling Heights with its quietness and quietness and quietness.


You've shown me the error of my ways. You showed me humility. You've made me really face myself and admit that there is plenty I can improve on. You've taught me that even in my mistakes that there is nothing wrong with admitting I'm wrong and seeking forgiveness. You've helped me to take compassion on the unforgivable and to truly forgive them. You've illuminated when I haven't been great to those that love me and have shown me acceptance when those relationships had to end. You have given me the strength to organize and categorize my relationships. I understand that not everyone deserves front row access to my life. I understand that it is going to be uncomfortable for them when the VIP card is revoked. I understand that they will be okay.


You've shown me the spirit of giving this year. I've given more of my time, talent and money than I ever have in life! What a beautiful bounty of reciprocity I've received from the act! I pray that I continue on the journey of giving in 2010. I pray that I inspire others to do the same.


You've shown me where I've been lazy this year. I have put so many of my dreams on hold not believing in my own talents. I have put so many of my dreams on hold waiting for others to activate them. I have put so many of my dreams on hold because I didn't want to be the only person at the top. I have put so many of my dreams on hold for fear of actually succeeding. I am upset that I KNOW that a man's life is the sum total of the choices that he/she makes and that I didn't activate that faculty in my brain. I forgive myself. I will not fail as I embark into 2010.


You've made it painfully clear that I haven't spent enough time with the people I really miss and who miss me because I've been spending so much time hanging out in other social groups. I will be spending my time more wisely this year. You have also made it painfully clear that my friends are NOT my family. They have been given the role of friend for a reason. It is unfair of me to expect them to bend like my family would. I will take that burden off of them effective immediately. The very act alone will release me from the unfair resentment I feel when I'm not loved back at the same capacity that I love them. I accept that responsibility. I will do better.


No other year has forced to me to realize that I am an adult like you have. I will not throw tantrums. I will grow up. I am more excited about my womanhood than ever.


You have made me hopeful for marriage, travel, new business ventures and self-actualization in 2010. Thank you for teaching me to write my vision plainly. How excited I am! What a beautiful accountability partner you've given me in Anthony. Teach me to appreciate the gifts you've given me. Help me not to outsource for what you've already blessed me with.


Thanks so much for: Anthony, Ty, Paul, Omari, Tawanna, Alicia Martin, PEACE, Chace, Chantay, Keisha, Kesha, Alicia, Brian, Jose, James, Leah Evans, Lia, Liz W. (prayer warrior and chief intercessor), Matt, Beverly, William Evans, Alex, Torreano, Liteshineth and Deonte. I certainly hope to deepen my relationships with all of you this year.

Shibu and Carmen
Matthew and Beverly

You should know that I completely admire you and am really looking forward to retreating with you all this winter.


I'm expecting new doors, new opportunities, increased health, peace of mind, prosperity, overcoming my past, honing in closer to the relationships that are truly beneficial and not superficial. I am loving the strength of my family and am looking forward to our growing closeness. I expect to be better than ever.

I wish all of the same things for you too. I hope we cross over together. 2010 - I'm coming to reclaim everything that was lost and to acquire all that I desire!

~La Shaun phoenix Moore

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