phoenix's Year-End Recap

As this year folds, I embrace all of the wonderful and challenging things that happened this year. Overall, it's been probably one of my best years. Here are my highlights:

• Excitement for James B. returning to Detroit.
• Breaking up with James.
• Playing at the beach with Khalil & Breauna
• So many happy hours with Ty at our favorite joint.
• Laughing at Aricka and Ty dancing at Northern Lights - freaks (we must go dancing soon)
• Annual Camping Trip - Twon was actually not a douche bag this year!
• Backyard parties at Cassie's
• Indoor parties at Chrissy's
• Movie nights
• Dinner at Ty's
• Beans & Bytes has no room for poets to sit
• Beans & Bytes closes
• Cassie, Chrissy, phoenix form one of the strongest friendships ever
• Mafia, Mafia, Mafia (Mary, you dead).
• Detroit X-Mas' sambo antics
• Buddy's bubbly personality
• Funny Bunny gets engaged
• Carmelita gets engaged
• Kesha gets engaged
• Leah and Will get engaged
• Dana gets engaged
• Will and Que - engaged
• Rashida O. got married
• Rashida Williams got pregnant
• Eric and Colleen got pregnant
• Mike Williams joins my circle of close friends
• Ty is my exhale
• Denise shows me strength and brilliance
• Lizzie and Sunday brunches
• My nephew Jacob makes his grand appearance
• I quit my job at the ad agency and took my dream job at U of M
• Space Between the Rain is almost finished (my vocal project)
• Melanie Rutherford and the Soul Notes smash Campus Martius
• L'Renee, Kesha & phoenix take the Detroit music scene with force
• Urban Soul
• John's bittersweet kiss
• Jerry's hugs
• Matthew's consideration
• Eddie's love
• Women of the World Poetry Slam, 2009
• 14th Annual Exhibition of Art by Michigan Prisoners
• Laughing hard
• Crying hard
• New car
• San Francisco
• Dent in new car
• Critical Resistance
• Chace as "Chace Money"
• Mike Will as "Mike Millions"
• Sari
• Inohs Sivad
• Tracie Currie's project
• Tracie's listening session with Omari - WOW.
• Omari and his stupid a$$ text messages in the middle of meetings
• Damon Warmack on bass/on movies/on great cheap wine/at shows/on nappy hair. Yeah, Damon.
• Bubby and "ol' taking-advantage-ass-niggas" or Bubby and tattoos that say, "Freak Biatch"
• Walt on keys - ridiculous (My band is sick!)
• Liteshineth (Bro. Ajib Rashadeen) EVERYDAY!
• Marvin's various nicknames, (Barefoot Billy, Chocolate face, The babies, Pepper Ann)
• Ben Jones drunk on his birthday eating flowers
• Blake Eerie as Velvet Krush
• Candy and Billy get engaged
• Wolanda's amazing reading and meeting Connell
• Wo and Ken move in
• Saadiq finds love
• HardCore moves to Texas
• DJ InCreDuble and his dope spins
• Picnap Poety ends at Max Fisher
• Echoverse ends at Java Exchange
• Echoverse takes over 1515 Broadway
• ByteThis Poetry Series takes over Cliff Bells
• Eitan's bonfires
• Eitan moves
• David Blair - "Sha-clack-clack, Boo!"
• Diedre and me at the Will Downing, Lalah Hathaway, Gerald Albright concert laughing
• John Legend concert
• Jill Scott concert
• The Roots concert/experience/worship service/sickest sh*t I've ever experienced in my life!
• Performing at the Ribs n Soul Food Festival with L'Renee
• Moving to Ann Arbor
• Vocal Rehearsals with Frankie
• Dally with Gordie
• Gordie's Obama parties
• Becks returns home and I missed her!!!
• Laura's wedding
• Dinner at Funny Bunny's and Buddy's
• Wine and conversation with Lottie
• Walle
• Reconnecting with Stephane (Stefon)
• Performing with Ty and Lazy Genius and Kesha - CRAZY/INSANE Show!
• "Bring the Boys Back" - (please don't)
• Reconnecting with my best friend - MYSELF
• Movie night at my place and the aftermath
• Sleepovers w/ACE
• The dew of love awaiting me in the New Year
• Randy home for Christmas!
• Lizzie's upcoming party
• Cenda's tonight
• New Year's Eve with Chrissy
• Bev & Matt
• POPs
• Reconnecting with my incarcerated cousin, Greg Scott
• Activism

• La Shaun phoenix Moore - Singer/Songwriter/Poet/Host/Woman

Consider your year, you're still here!!! I've probably left out a billion more things! Blessed New Year, may the new year be better than any year that preceded it.

Holy Creator, Neteru, Guardians, Ancestors - thank you for the greatness you've imbued me with. May my life honor you in each and every new day you honor me to witness.

~Jean Grae

If I Were To Write For You - A draft.

If I were to write for you,

I'd wield stories of the warmth in your tone,

how it envelopes me like sun-soaked towels

after a cool swim.



I'd erect stories like skyscrapers

for the height of of your vision.

I'd secretly hide in your shadow and whisper prayers

for your dreams to come into fruition.



If i were to write for you,

I'd become encyclopedias

that spoke only of the legacies that you left behind/create daily/will achieve in the future.



I'd be an ocean of positive vernacular,

a gold burst of good energy to bathe you in,

I'd give you words of affirmation to dry you off,

hot oils to neutralize your thoughts,

Baby, I'd be the burning elixir of fine liqueur to take the edge off.



I mean, if I were to write for you,

I'd own stock in fountain pens -

the ink wells wouldn't run dry,

For you, I'd erect kingdoms through our bloodlines.



I'd write sonnets

that would make Shakespeare

shy away from his pen.



I'd kiss you holy,

give you no understanding of sin.



Straight purify you with hand to pen,

again and again and again.



If I were to write for you,

I wouldn't know where to begin.



You inspire me.

So, Inspire me.

So Inspired



Baby, I wouldn't know where to begin - but I'd write.

What Humans Can Teach Us.

Magneto, while a great villain, is prompted by (what researches have found) being a survivor of the Holocaust.  What he witnessed in men - the anger, the bigotry, the hatred - was something that he never wanted mutants to experience.  His fear eventually turned him as mutant into the hating human he never wanted to become and thus he became a super-villain.

My walk with Professor Xavier has allotted me various experiences.  The most important of them is what we can learn from humans.  While there are no perfect humans (or mutants) there are indeed those that strive for ultimate goodness, who work hard to make the right choices, who work hard to live out the inherent divinity that connects us all.  And we are all connected.  Mutant and human.  Friend and Foe.  We are all connected.

It was only until I considered blogging my experiences that I paid attention to how important it is to get past the petty differences that separate our species.  I am still mutant - and humans irritate me to no end.  They fuck aimlessly, bicker without cause, pledge allegiance to things that they know very little about, hurt without regard, blaspheme themselves and the Omnipresent One and do it all in the name of youth or self-interest or "keeping it real".   These humans sicken me.

Even in knowing that, I have surrounded myself with a small number of humans.  They inspire me.  So much in fact, that I have removed myself from using them for various research and have allowed myself to just be myself in their company.  I have drank their beer and have danced to their music.  I have laughed at their jokes and mourned with them in their sadness.  I have celebrated their achievements and have been surprised that they celebrate me as well.  I have been a source of wisdom and jovial good humor to them.  I have been a source of irritation to them all my own.  But, what is most fascinating to me about them, is that in spite of my flaws - they still call me Friend.  They reciprocate my love for them sometimes with more tenacity and passion than I know to give them.  It quickens humility in me.

Mutants have not learned to trust that easily.  Not amongst each other.  We are constantly worried about what others will think when we peel back the layers and show them who we really are.  We fear being true to ourselves so we position ourselves into a source of reverence or terror.  It's exhausting work.  Spending so much time projecting such an image when we want to just let down our guards and be ourselves.  Exhausting.   To walk through this world feeling like no one will ever "get" us.  I am tired of being tired.  Though mutant and something  more extraordinary than I could have ever asked for as phoenix - I can only be me.  I can only believe that who I am will be more than enough for those that I call friend.  I can only warn that it would be devastating to those that would desire to enter into my circle under false pretenses - it will mean sudden death under my Phoenix Force.

Humans.  

Uniquely divine creatures.  While they do not possess the "X" gene, they do possess a knowledge and understanding that can be beneficial to all mutants.

They seem to live by the code: Be yourself.  Do you.  Without shame.

Wise words.  I extend them to you, Fellow Mutants.  I receive them for myself.

On Mutants & Men.

My primary powers are Telepathy (the transference of thoughts or feelings between two or more subjects through extra-sensory perception (ESP)); Telekinesis (moving objects with my mind); Pyro-kinesis (create or control fire with my mind); and Phoenix Force (the embodiment of the very passion of creation, the spark that gave life to the universe, the flame that will ultimately consume it).

I am a powerful mutant.

These humans are probably hands down some of the most delightful creatures ever made.

What simplicity they find in hopping from one whim to the next, one person to the next, one goal to the next. My mutant powers, while advanced, pale in comparison. Often I find myself filled with envy of how these simpletons move through this universal plane so easily – without much regard to anything but satisfying whatever hunger is plaguing them at the moment.

Humor me.

What lasting love story has ever been written about a phoenix? Where do the other phoenixes reside? Who, pray tell, has the wherewithal to allow these fiery creatures to roam the earth freely to heal and live out their various purposes with a trust that knows they’ll return home? When are they “exactly enough” and not too much? Who can join our regenerative souls in eternal love? Who? Who?

Where are you noble king?

While not desperate, I am eager to be captured by you.

I have seen glimpses of you in mutants and men. I have whispered prayers to the Omnipresent One begging for you to reveal yourself. I am preserving my heart, my emotions, my sex for your eternal kiss. Cyclops and Wolverine are gods of old who may tug at my heart for ages. Yet, I have experienced rebirth. I am a flaming goddess of newness. I will not falter in accepting my divinity. There is room in my heart for you to take up residency.

I still believe in love. Though they want to break me. I am resilient.

I still believe in love of self first.

I still believe in love.

I still believe in you.

I am in ascension.

Come Dark Knight.

Come.

On Wolverine and other mutants.

University of Michigan's football team sucks.

`Nuff said.

How are these fools even being considered in 8th round draft picks (as if that shit is dope)?

And Why? WHY? WHY are they so physically appealing, but physically incapable of winning a game?

Makes a bird wonder.

Makes a phoenix want to walk into the team's locker room and make the athletes spontaneously combust in my Phoenix Force Fury.

Makes me want to maintain my passion for the NFL and Cyclops.

Cyclops was born a Pisces under a March wind.

Not instantly what I'm used to being attracted to and without question unlike any man I've ever attracted.

What do I dig?

His accountability. His integrity. His loyalty. I like how he makes me laugh. The tenderness in his voice when he acknowledges me. I dig his public display of affection towards me and the things he confides to me in secret. I dig that when he takes his glasses off, his laser stare is filled with a fire that strengthens and not destroys me. I dig how he honors my body. How he draws out my virtue. I dig how dating him makes me a poet. I dig how I don't have to try hard and that no matter where our interaction leads us - compatible or not - I can walk away saying that I met a real man or I can linger in his arms for lifetimes.

I like how his kiss steals my breath, weakens my knees, excites me, scares me. I like when he shares his dreams, places he wants to go, hidden inhibitions. I like how he responds to my hands on his skin, my breath against his ear, my lips on his mouth, my heartbeat.

I like how his hugs feel like God is reaching out from within me to wrap His/Her arms around me.

I like Cyclops. Alot. He's spunky. Does a helluva Bernie Mac impression, too. He's got me on some romantic, clean, fun-having date stuff. He's got me on some honored that we can wait to explore each other physically stuff. He's got my nostril's WIDE opened. After all the abuse. This is what I deserve. I deserve the best. I forgot that. Thank you, Baby for the reminder.

Yeah, Wolverine: One thing that IS amazing about you is this lush home you've put me in. Ann Arbor is nothing short of amazing. There is inspiration around every corner. Coffee shops and theaters. Galleries and Wine Cafe's. Bookstores and bookstores and more bookstores. Hip-Hop and Alternative. Folk and Organic Soul. Gyms and diverse cuisine. Me. And Cyclops neighboring the city by 25 minutes.

I am poetry in motion.

Namaste,

~phoenix

Jean Grae-tro to Blogspot.com

I've been thinking a lot lately about joining blogspot, especially since I've been looking for a much safer space to post some of my thoughts. I think at the root, I'll always be a huge myspace fan because it was just a cool new phenomenon. However, with all of the mess they stay in...yeah, I'm good.

So, what's been going on with me cyberspace? More than what I can imagine. Certainly more than what I can type right now. I'm intending to post another series of random thoughts later today if I really find the time. There are a few things on my heart I really want to let out. Been dealing with a little condemnation lately and I'm learning to forgive myself for wanting to BE MYSELF!

On a lighter note, I've been having a little bit of a difficult time getting back into the swing of writing full length poems. I've written a ton of haikus and concepts. I've even written some full length poems that I'm just not ready to share yet. I've decided that I am going to go ahead and prepare my submission for Cave Canem and start trying my hand at getting in. I'll be spending most of the winter preparing my submission materials and I'm really excited about it.

I've been doing quite a bit of reading to ease my mind into this Ann Arbor move. I don't want to - because I didn't imagine that I ever could - but I love it here. As ignorant as this little village can be sometimes, it still feels like home. I'm discovering so many hidden gems about myself; about my perspective; about what it is that I truly want. I desire to live within the barrier-less divinity I possess. I want to live a life void of self-imposed limitations. I want to love in honesty. I want to love into myself more.

I imagine in the next few hours, days, weeks, months my journaling online will resume the state that I want.

If you're reading, I'm grateful that you're willing to step into the matrix with me.

It matters.

I need a place to release.

Thanks for being a safe space to do it.


Namaste,
~La Shaun phoenix Moore